I can't decide which is worse...having friends around when you get shit on by a bird or being alone.
I have been hit with bird shit on the following occasions:
Boston - August '99
San Diego - February '05
New York (Streets) - April '05
New York (Central Park) - May '05
Mind you, these are just the most recent and prevalent hits.
Then there's today. Friday, April 28 12:11PM EDT. Location: in the vicinity of Times Square. Almost a year to date from the last time I was blindsided on the streets of NYC.
I decide to venture out of the office to run an errand and pick up lunch. It's a beautiful day. Lots of people out and about. I make it six blocks. I pause at the corner of 42nd and 8th ready to cross the street. It's then that I hear "poof poof" and feel something hit my head and shoulders. MuthaFucka. It's a noise, feeling, sensation I am all too familiar with. I don't even look up...no need...I know what I'll see.
I've got about five deep behind me on the corner. Are they all staring at bird shit on my back?! I don't want to wait and find out. I pivot and bolt. I'm still on the sidewalk but now just off to the side under an overhang. People are definitely still looking, but, whatever.
I take off my coat....damn...they got me. I feel like the Bird Mafia has a bounty on my head. Ok, gross, but definitely cleanable and not very noticeable. That can't be it?! It had felt like more. Great. I'm half running, half skipping down the block. Not out of joy. Oh no. Out of the necessity to twist my body every 1/2 block to see if I can steal a glance at the damage. Nothing. I'm running my hands through my hair...across my shoulders. I must look like a power walker with the shakes.
Here is where my original question comes in....is it better to be alone or with people when a bird shits on you? Flashback....May '05 Central Park. My brother and cousin were town for a short stay before we took off for Madrid. I decided to take them to Central Park. Another beautiful, sunny day (see a pattern here?). We're walking through the park and I am almost instantaneously assaulted on my shoulder and arm. My cousin starts laughing hysterically and pointing. This is where I may have wished to be alone, as tourists then began to point and take pictures. I approached the closest hot dog stand and got napkins. End of story, not end of embarrassment.
Fast forward to today. My trip was cut drastically short. I, in fact, didn't run my errand and didn't get lunch. Why? Because I was solo and there was no one to do the "once over", someone to laugh and be embarrassed with. Instead I legged it back to the office and made my colleagues survey the damage.
Twenty minutes later, I went back out. After all a girl has to eat.
When you fall off a horse, you get back on. When you bomb a presentation, you try harder next time. When a bird shits on you, you hold your (hatless) head high and march down the street.
Let that be a lesson to you my friends. Let's not let our fears cripple us. If you see a girl walking down the street flinching every time the shadow of a bird passes over, cut her some slack or better yet, offer her a napkin.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
New York, NY (the city on the brink of a Renaissance)
My office building is in the Fashion District. Not fashion as in ladies with blown out hair, oversized sunglasses, Chanel purses and little dogs. Fashion as in mass-produced, over-priced garments put together in small, almost sweatshop like offices. (And for the record, I do NOT work at one of them).
My agency is based in Richmond, VA and it just so happens that the lease on our NYC office is up for renewal in the next couple of months. Like any space in NYC, what we pay for is ridiculously overpriced. So, our CEO calls us into a meeting to discuss the pluses and minuses of our building and location. Could we get by with something smaller? Do we want to relocate to another area of the city? Etc etc. Now mind you I dont particularly care what part of the city I work in. Granted Soho would be fun for window shopping at lunch...but, at the end of the day, it's work.
What I did learn in this meeting was that our area, the Fashion District, has been and is continuing to go through a renaissance. Hmm, I am intrigued. I was not aware of this and just to confirm that I wasn't going crazy, I decided to look up the definition...
Renaissance: the revival of learning and culture. The action of something changing, usually for the better.
For those of you not familiar, the Fashion District is located directly between Penn Station and the Port Authority and just west of Times Square. If these areas still don't sound familiar to you, picture public transportation on crack. Its basically where 7 million people come into and out of the city each day for work, where every single tourist comes to visit (Times Square) and the area that seems to attract the highest percentage of sketchy people in the city (no joke).
Back to the meeting. Have I been working so many hours and walking in a daze to and from work that I haven't noticed the renaissance that has been happening in front of my very own eyes? I decide to investigate.
I leave the office and walk a few blocks toward Penn Station passing a Adult Entertainment store, a Checks Cashed store and a Everything's a Dollar store. I did notice they fixed the "ed" in "Cashed" so it now glows fluorescent red like the rest of the sign. Score one for the renaissance!
I continue walking and come upon a Rite Aid drug store. I am not even kidding you, there is an old lady sprawled across the entrance with her walker on its side. Surrounding her are four young thugs. Uh oh. I reach for my cell phone. I'm being called to action. This is my time to help. But...wait. There's another little old lady. She's inside the entrance and picking up some bags. I decide to observe.
Lady 1 (on the ground) to Lady 2 (inside the entrance): That bitched pushed me (What?! I dont think my grandma even knew how to swear)
Lady 2: I didn't push you, you tripped on my bags. You better watch where you're going fool!
Meanwhile the four thugs were trying to calm the two ladies down and break up the tussle. Unreal.
"Renaissance: The revival of learning". If these two ornery old ladies didn't bitch slap each other and duke it out, how would these four young men have learned to negotiate/mediate a tense situation while also respecting their elders? Score another one for the renaissance!
Now there is something I feel I should tell you. I attract homeless men. It's true. Put me within a 5 mile radius of one of them and like a beacon, they will come to me. I have processed this information, accepted it and learned to live with it. So it was no surprise on my way back to the office that I caught one of their eyes. "Hello baby, how you doin today?" I have found the best approach is to ignore the comment and move quickly. I did just that. However, I did notice that he was wearing actual shoes and had all his teeth! "Renaissance: the act of something changing, usually for the better." Granted the "better" in this case is all relative. But things are still looking up and thats another win for the renaissance.
On that note, our lease has been renewed and I wouldn't want it any other way. I'm looking forward to the next few months and what the renaissance will bring....
My agency is based in Richmond, VA and it just so happens that the lease on our NYC office is up for renewal in the next couple of months. Like any space in NYC, what we pay for is ridiculously overpriced. So, our CEO calls us into a meeting to discuss the pluses and minuses of our building and location. Could we get by with something smaller? Do we want to relocate to another area of the city? Etc etc. Now mind you I dont particularly care what part of the city I work in. Granted Soho would be fun for window shopping at lunch...but, at the end of the day, it's work.
What I did learn in this meeting was that our area, the Fashion District, has been and is continuing to go through a renaissance. Hmm, I am intrigued. I was not aware of this and just to confirm that I wasn't going crazy, I decided to look up the definition...
Renaissance: the revival of learning and culture. The action of something changing, usually for the better.
For those of you not familiar, the Fashion District is located directly between Penn Station and the Port Authority and just west of Times Square. If these areas still don't sound familiar to you, picture public transportation on crack. Its basically where 7 million people come into and out of the city each day for work, where every single tourist comes to visit (Times Square) and the area that seems to attract the highest percentage of sketchy people in the city (no joke).
Back to the meeting. Have I been working so many hours and walking in a daze to and from work that I haven't noticed the renaissance that has been happening in front of my very own eyes? I decide to investigate.
I leave the office and walk a few blocks toward Penn Station passing a Adult Entertainment store, a Checks Cashed store and a Everything's a Dollar store. I did notice they fixed the "ed" in "Cashed" so it now glows fluorescent red like the rest of the sign. Score one for the renaissance!
I continue walking and come upon a Rite Aid drug store. I am not even kidding you, there is an old lady sprawled across the entrance with her walker on its side. Surrounding her are four young thugs. Uh oh. I reach for my cell phone. I'm being called to action. This is my time to help. But...wait. There's another little old lady. She's inside the entrance and picking up some bags. I decide to observe.
Lady 1 (on the ground) to Lady 2 (inside the entrance): That bitched pushed me (What?! I dont think my grandma even knew how to swear)
Lady 2: I didn't push you, you tripped on my bags. You better watch where you're going fool!
Meanwhile the four thugs were trying to calm the two ladies down and break up the tussle. Unreal.
"Renaissance: The revival of learning". If these two ornery old ladies didn't bitch slap each other and duke it out, how would these four young men have learned to negotiate/mediate a tense situation while also respecting their elders? Score another one for the renaissance!
Now there is something I feel I should tell you. I attract homeless men. It's true. Put me within a 5 mile radius of one of them and like a beacon, they will come to me. I have processed this information, accepted it and learned to live with it. So it was no surprise on my way back to the office that I caught one of their eyes. "Hello baby, how you doin today?" I have found the best approach is to ignore the comment and move quickly. I did just that. However, I did notice that he was wearing actual shoes and had all his teeth! "Renaissance: the act of something changing, usually for the better." Granted the "better" in this case is all relative. But things are still looking up and thats another win for the renaissance.
On that note, our lease has been renewed and I wouldn't want it any other way. I'm looking forward to the next few months and what the renaissance will bring....
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